Erin The Great

I love my job. I’m just going to say this before I go off on my tangent. It all started about two and a half months ago when (due to shenanigans in the work place) I managed to get the Internet banned at my bank branch. I know what you’re thinking… you’re thinking about how popular I became and how you’re jealous of my popularity. Not quite!

I would just like to say that my boss knew what I was doing that fateful April Fools day and didn’t care because it was a particularly slow day and all my work was done. I decided to pull a few pranks on my friends and, after trying to sell my friend’s cars on ksl.com, I realized I had been on the Internet a good chunk of the day. Again, it was a REALLY slow day and my boss didn’t care. Imagine my surprise when three weeks later I get pulled into our security offices up in Salt Lake to get absolutely raked over the coals for surfing the Internet. I’m so glad I was able to waste a couple of gallons of golden gas to get my get my butt ripped to shreds by some corporate beast on speaker phone, especially when my daily Internet usage usually only involved my quick celebrity gossip updates, printing off a sudoku puzzle and finally, my blog. That’s right, I like many of you would blog at work… this is no longer the case.

Since this Internet ban, I’m stuck in my very slow bank branch that maybe sees 30 people total on any given day, maybe 31 on Friday. Payday. Are you seeing where I am going with this? That’s right! After almost 2 months of no Internet, no printing off Sudoku puzzles and NO BLOGGING to keep me from killing customers, I have been left with a huge gaping void not to mention being left to my own devices… never a good thing.

To my co-workers I would like to issue an apology. I am so very sorry and would like to thank you profusely for not slashing my tires, keying my car or TP-ing my house! You all are amazing and should receive a couple of ‘Luv Saks’ in heaven, should you make it there… Boyd.

Luckily, after weeks and weeks of looking almost comatose from boredom, I have picked up a few old hobbies. I have always loved reading and now that I have hours at my disposal, I am reading the entire works of Jane Austen. I’ve decided that reading such books like the ‘Twilight’ series while I was at work was shaping up to be a bad idea. Especially if I was in the middle of one of the fight scenes, and of course thanks to ‘Murphy’s Law’ that would be the very second that someone would call to ask an asinine question like ‘Is this the optical section of Costco?’ Breathe Erin breathe. They don’t know that they’ve just interrupted the climax of your book. Count to 10… ok talk. ‘No, this is CENSORED bank.’ Good, I didn’t bite off heads; it’s going to be ok. The customer asks again, ‘You mean this isn’t Costco?’ again breathe Erin. ‘No I’m sorry, this is CENSORED bank, is there anything else can help you with?’ Click! Rude! What I wanted to say was ‘No, you friggin idiot! What part of ‘thank you for calling CENSORED bank are you not computing??’ Thank you so much for trying my patience when I was being nice, even after you interrupted the best part of the book!

This is why I don’t read really intriguing and complicated books at work… Usually I’m pretty good at holding my cool when I’m dealing with rude people. I realize that, even though I’m reading on the job, that the customer comes first. But when they’re rude, I can’t help of thinking up ways I could meet them in dark alleys… Thanks again Internet Ban! Without you, I’ve managed to forgo all my stress releases until after I get home from work. It’s cool! I’m sure my roommates love me coming home in really foul moods after dealing with the world’s rudest people on earth. It’s ok that it takes me almost 2 hours to calm down from my day. Whatever. I hope you’re happy!