Erin The Great

There are a lot of disgusting things on this planet, but one of the foulest things that you’d never even think of is money.

Think about it, we like it, we have some, we are always wanting more and with every chance we have to get more money, the more the general populace touches it. Whether it is at a bank or a store, bills go in and out of cash registers without any regards to its previous owners.

I work at a bank and it’s funny to see how people react to money. Some refuse to carry cash on them because money is so gross. Others take it with glee and without any thought to where it could have been not one hour previous. Some will be dealing with cash and be eating at the exact same time. That in and of itself is probably one of the most vile things to watch. It’s like that old saying that goes something like ‘don’t touch that, you don’t know where it’s been’.

Think about every person that could possibly touch money. Think about when you have accidentally drop your cash on the street. Think about how many of those dollars have been stuffed inside a stripper thong or rolled up and used to snort half of South America. How about people with colds who cough, sneeze and hack into their hands then reach into their pockets to bring out their cash stash?

I never used to be germ-a-phobic until I started for the bank. I obviously would wash my hands after dealing with cash, mostly because after dealing with it for a few hours, it has the tendency to turn your fingers black, but one month at the bank and I was slathering on the anti-bacterial sanitizer stuff like it was going out of style. This was very important since where I was working, was placed dead center in a place called ‘felony flats’, where the dirty of the dirty were located. Nothing like the dirty hippies/felons/miscreants/etc. coming in and depositing their money and not giving a flying fart in space that I was receiving a contact high from merely counting it!

I’m merely issuing a warning to the general public. Be careful about money. Don’t keep licking your fingers while counting it. Don’t eat right after dealing with it. Be safe. Be clean, and if the above didn’t give you enough of a visual… There was this very unwashed individual who I was helping about two years ago. After the transaction was complete, he took the money wrapped it together with rubber bands and shoved it down the front of his pants… scary enough for you?