Erin The Great

I went to my mail box the other day, and upon its opening I found a letter from ‘Provo City’. Great, this could be a plethora of things due to the fact that the logo is the same for many different business associated with ‘Provo City’. It could pertain to the utilities company that squeezes every dime it can out of the poor college students. It could possibly be my long lost ‘Food Handlers Permit’ that never actually made it to my place of residence about 3 years ago. You know what… I bet it is a letter stating that I’ve become a runner up in the ‘Provo VIP’ for giving back to my community… and yes, sarcasm absolutely counts….

Tragically, as I opened the letter from Provo City it bestowed something I thought I had dreamt due to the fact that it was first thing in the morning and I haven’t been pulled over in years. The Letter read something like;

Dear Miss Jarvis,

We are writing to let you know that a warrant for your arrest has been issued for failure to appear in court…. Blah blah blah, unimportant crap….

At this point I’m like ‘failure to appear where now?’ That wasn’t even 3 weeks ago and you’re issuing a warrant for my arrest?! Yeah, you better issue a warrant for that crazy Erin girl after 2 and a half weeks… she might be a real threat to society. Oh dear. Two and a half weeks… Don’t they usually wait like 2 months before issuing a warrant? I know I’m quite the dangerous specimen, so, PEOPLE…If you need any spare change, you better find your local bounty hunter to haul my non-ticket paying butt into court or jail… which reminds me, Gary the transvestite still hasn’t paid up for that one game night of Texas Hold ‘Em. Note to self…