Erin The Great

Today is what I like to refer to as a ‘Darwin Day’. A ‘Darwin Day’ proves that the theory of natural selection is unfortunately just a theory, or else some people would have been killed off years ago.

There are two-parts to my tale, and it begins with the drive to and from work, we’ll call that Part 1. Then we have the 5 hours which I work at the bank, we’ll call that Part 2.

Ok, I live In Provo where BYU is the pride and joy of the city. I also unfortunately live about 2 blocks south of its campus. This usually isn’t bothersome until I have to drive anywhere. It doesn’t matter because anytime I drive down the road I can count on almost hitting at least 10-15 idiot BYU students within a 10 block radius.

It wouldn’t be so bad if they didn’t give you the look of ‘entitlement’. The look of ‘I’m going to walk where ever and in front of what ever I want’. It’s all I can do to not come off like I’m a sailor on leave, because just the look is enough to fry my insides. The ones that really get me though are the students that either just start walking in front of your moving vehicle, or the ones that take their sweet time crossing the street looking at you like ‘what are you going to do about it’?

Every time I see one of those looks, all I can think about is how lucky those individuals are that I’m not packing heat! Try giving one of those looks in Detroit or Oakland… You’d be shot down so fast…. Which gives me a wonderful idea, I have in my possession a sling shot. From now on every time a person walks gleefully out in front of my car I’m going to bust out my slingshot and some paint balls and just go nuts. Those people will learn real fast! My only regret is that after having lived here for almost five years I didn’t think of it sooner!

Dang it, I’m pretty bent about having just barely thought of that! Moving on… After nearly hitting the BYU students I make my way to the bank where I normally deal with Utah’s finest and the meat-heads coming in from the GYM across the street. Then my longing for natural selection really begins.

Almost every time I ask a customer for their ID or for an account number, the usual response is to look like a deer in the headlights and then verbally respond with ‘why do you need to see it’? Oh dear… blood pressure rising… must*fight*urge* to*slap*person*… Ok plaster smile and verbally say ‘I need your account number so can do your transaction and your ID to make sure you are who you say you are… *smile*… (While thinking) ‘Because I have a weird fetish where I like to look at not only your ugly mug, but your ugly photo on your ID as well! As far as your account number, well I thought I’d just pillage the $16.58 you have in your account… why the heck do you think I’m asking for it you idiot’?

As for the meat-heads, well nothing is more flattering then having one in front of you going off about how much he works out, and his cool car and blah blah blah, wow, you really know how to impress a girl with brains! Well done buddy! Well done!

OY! Sometimes it’s all you can do to have a fake smile plastered on your face while counting down the minutes until you can go home and crawl back into bed and forget that people of this caliber exist.