Erin The Great

 Today is the first day of spring. All I have to say about that is… ahem… ABOUT FRIGGIN TIME!!!

Up until recently, Utah has been a frozen tundra, with no foreseeable thawing. Over the last few days it’s been relatively warmer, and by relatively I mean being 40 degrees or so, everyone is busting out their short sleeve shirts and shorts because it’s like a ‘heat wave’ out here.

Around February 2, or the pseudo-holiday commonly known as ‘Groundhog Day’, millions of Americans waited eagerly to find out whether we were going to get a break from the endless amounts of snow that kept piling on us. I don’t know who decided that a ground hog named ‘Phil’ could magically predict whether or not Spring would come early, but for some reason a lot of people (including me) secretly hoped that he wouldn’t see his shadow in hopes of ditching our ‘Winter-Ablers’ or Wellbutrin, Xanex and Zoloft for a more formidable ally.

Ordinarily I take the endless falling of snow in stride, but this year was different. I waited patiently as February approached and with every hope of a little kid on Christmas, I would look at weather.com and promptly have my hopes dashed against the rocks, as I would see nothing but the annoying forecast of snow. Sometimes you just need to see the sun. It’s like the snow is my kryptonite and like Superman, I just need the rejuvenating rays of the sun to make me feel good again.

As if not seeing the sun for months on end isn’t bad enough, it wasn’t nearly as bad as the power struggle going on between the people who manage my apartment building and everyone else that lives there. My building was sold to a different management firm, and there was confusion as to who actually would continue to maintenance the building. Being Student housing, there wasn’t a big rush to iron this issue out.

After a good snow fall, there would be snow and ice everywhere and nobody to shovel it up. Being a relatively good Samaritan, but more for the reason that I was tired of slipping and sliding every where, I would go across the street and steal my neighbors shovel and just shovel away. After many of these throughout the winter I began to wonder if it would actually ever end. As much as I love being plugged into my iPod, the cons of blistered hands and frozen limbs got the better of me.

Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of activities that you can do in the snow that are fun, but for the most part I really don’t enjoy 6 straight months of it. Really, if I wanted to see snow most of the year, I’d move up north or possibly to Canada. There is good news on the horizon though. It’s been consistently sunny for about 4 days now. Cross your fingers and hope it stays that way.

In retrospect it could be worse. There is a very frustrated Canadian who wrote a very interesting post as to how bad it is up there: Here’s a blurb.

What’s eating you, Mother Nature? Is it us?

‘We know it was wrong of us to stand idly by and let Al Gore show all those explicit photographs of what you’re going to look like 30 years from now. But seriously — ease off. Enough with the apocalyptic downfalls of snow mixed with ice pellets mixed with freezing rain mixed with snow pellets mixed with the frozen tears of sedentary Maclean’s columnists who just can’t lift the shovel even one more time. I’m not saying I’m totally sick of winter, but see that animal’s head mounted above my fireplace? Say hello to Punxsutawney Phil. Shadow-seeing bastard had it coming.’

In my 25 years on the planet, I have been ‘one of the guys’ to my guy friends back home for about 21 of them. This has been interesting especially when I went through puberty and had the audacity to developed boobs and hips. All of a sudden I wasn’t a ‘guy’ anymore. The black balling and stripping of my ‘guy’ status only lasted for about a year and then I was welcomed back into the fold. Since then I’ve kept pretty good friends with ‘my boys’ as I call them and I enjoy still being a part of their lives. This leads to my story.

About a year ago my friend Kevin called me with some exciting news. Knowing my friend I figured it had something to do with the military or one of our other friends. I was wrong, but I was very excited to hear that he was getting married. I didn’t think anything of it because they weren’t getting married until the following May, so I put it in the back of my head.

Today I get an e-mail from my good friend Jon who is one of Kevin’s best friends, telling me about the wedding and asking me if I was available to go home to Oregon and be apart of the Bachelor party? Up until now I was reading and thinking ‘oh yeah, I need to get time off to go home and go to the wedding, what the? I’m invited to the bachelor party???’ at this point I was shaking my head because I couldn’t believe what I had just read. As if this wasn’t odd enough, he then continued on to say that it was ok, because they didn’t want me there to be the stripper, (like this was even close to being an option) glad we got that clarified.

On one hand I feel honored to be apart of a time honored and women banned tradition. But then on the other hand I don’t know if I want to witness all my guy friends from back home getting trashed and putting dollar bills down the stripper’s thong… or even worse, mistaking me for the entertainment. Trust me; no good would come from that.

I must admit, and aside from the invite, I love that I’m so ingrained as being ‘one of the guys’ to my boys back home that they don’t even think twice about inviting me to a bachelor party. To them I’m just Jarvis who looks oddly female-like. Booyah!

Finally! I broke down and did my laundry. I was previously doing an experiment on how much of my wardrobe I actually wear, and found out that I actually do cycle through most of my wardrobe, and that after 2 ½ months of avoiding the washing of my clothes, there isn’t much in my closet that I wouldn’t wear in broad daylight. The clothes that are left, I’m giving to goodwill.

So, on March 12, I loaded up my washing machine and started the grueling process of washing my clothes. I think the dryer knew what was coming because it took one look at all the piles of clothes before it, and decided that it just wasn’t going to have that and promptly stopped producing heat. Much to my dismay I had to cart all 10 loads over to my next door neighbor’s house so I could have dry clothes.

I’m not a very big person so I think to anyone watching this process it might have been humorous. People watching the little girl haul large amounts of clothes and all you see are the chicken legs beneath the massive heaps.

I think from now on I’ll be doing my laundry at least once a month. That way I’m not completely screwed should my dryer or washer decide to poop out on me again.

Today is one of my three favorite holidays… the other two being The 4th of July and the other Halloween, but that’s neither here nor there. Happy St. Patrick’s Day! The day where you can wear as much green as you want and NOBODY can make fun of you!

I’ve been on the pinch patrol since I could remember. EVERYONE I knew when I was younger wore green at every turn, especially when they knew I was around. My mom had to go out and buy green towels because I would show no mercy to those coming out of the shower… It’s St. Patrick’s Day! If that means covering yourself in a green towels so you don’t get attacked then that’s what you’ve got to do!

Obviously it’s a little different for me now. I can’t go around pinching every grinch who doesn’t care enough to wear the lovely hue. I’d probably end the day with a few bruises and a few less hairs in my head. Being half Irish though I feel compelled to represent and make believers of everybody.

So wear your green, drink your pint and celebrate St. Patrick removing all the snakes from Ireland!

Like many of you already know, I gave up my ‘life source’ of Dr. Pepper for Lent this year.

Now most people when they give up their vice for more then a couple of days, tent to be a little on the testy side. Not unlike these people my patience and ability to sugar coat things waved good bye several weeks ago. Now having officially observed at least 30 days of the 40 that Lent entails, I’ve been a little on edge as of late. It’s sad when I know that all I need is to pound 20oz Dr. Pepper and my inner ‘Mr. Hyde’ is set at bay.

I have two friends that also happen to be my co-workers. They have been trying to get me to cave and just partake of the sweet nectar of life. Although I know that temptation was inevitable in the process of Lent, I had no idea these two particular individuals were going to be borderline mean about it… I’d say their names but they know who they are… *sneeze*Boyd*Cough*Brandon!

Sometime around Tuesday one of these two thought it would be great fun to come back from lunch with a gigantic Dr. Pepper and inform me that I needed to drink up, and that I’d be a nicer person if I did… this may be completely accurate but when I only had 10 more days left, there was no way I was going to cave. After proclaiming this, they decided to pour a little bit in a cup so as to tempt me and set it right next to me in my teller station. I finally gave the cup to one of them, while still sticking to my guns. With their constant taunting, I’ve never been prouder of myself

I’m pretty sure that the next and final week of Lent is going to be the most hard, mostly because these two individuals aren’t letting up on getting me to cheat…. I’ve got news for you guys… Give up men! IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! I’ll be my happy charming self by the end of next week, with or without your support!

Now that the writers strike is over I’m wondering when the new episodes will start? Granted I’ve become re-addicted to television after such gems like The Office, Scrubs, Grey’s Anatomy and My Name is Earl hit the air waves. Granted Scrubs has been a regular in my television watching since it originally aired back in 2001 but other then that, I’ve been going through withdrawals when it comes to new episodes!

Like many Americans that were affected by this strike, I found that my hobbies take effort and brain power, unlike my TV addiction. When I come home from a long day at school and work, the last thing I want to do is do something that is going to take energy. Maybe after I’ve been home for a while, but there is something to be said about coming home and just letting your brain ooze and potentially rot right out of your head. Not to mention knowing that you are not doing anything productive.

Complete relaxation! Oh how I miss thee…

I was looking out my window this morning and noticed how sunny and warm it was outside. Since it’s been nothing but crappy weather for last 6 months I was extremely excited.

I love everything about spring. It’s beyond just a feeling. I feel like I’ve been in hibernation all winter just aimlessly wandering around looking for purpose… and then it happens. You see buds on trees, flower bulbs blooming and the sun shinning and then all of a sudden you feel invincible!

Ordinarily I’d mark this monumental achievement in the Utah weather by grabbing my bikini and climbing on to the roof of my apartment building and just worshiping the sun in the 45 degree weather (because of the altitude, the sun is very warm so you feel like you’re in 80 degree weather when just lying under the sun). Oh how wondrous it feels to be in the sun after a ridiculously looong winter.

This was very short lived when my head felt the spring bug coming on and I immediately sneezed. OY! I couldn’t even enjoy it for a minute before my allergies kicked in.

Well I feel invincible for about a day and then the allergies hit down… oh the allergies! Ordinarily I might become a little bitter but not this year! My eyes might swell shut because of all the pollen and I might produce a ‘snot like’ lake, but this year I’m still going to enjoy the vast splendor in front of me!

I love working where I work. There I said it! I love observing the people that come into the bank with their various tasks that need done, but the one thing I really like observing is teenagers…or clueless young adults.

You have the teenage boys who can smell a mile away before they even open the door. Holy Cologne! There are the ‘I’m learning how to dress my self and got ideas from the mid 90’s’ (dear goodness if those styles are coming back I’m moving to Canada) and finally, the teenage girls with the ‘I’m learning to apply make up and I’m taking tips from Tammy Faye Baker’ types.

Have you ever noticed that sometimes girls may look like they have tarantulas coming out of their eye lids? It’s freaky like that woman from the movie ‘The Rescuers’.

When ever I’m talking to a girl who has globbed on WAY too much mascara, I have to fight the urge to run for my life before I’m in the middle of an ‘Arachnophobia’ re-enactment.

Thankfully there has been a recent invention (and by recent I mean clear back from the 1930’s) that can help those lashes stay separated and un-clumpy! That’s right; it’s called an eyelash comb. Its handy little handle makes it easy to grip so you can easily brush the clumps right off you’re eye lashes!

I should be a spokes person! I should also mention that applying seven coats of mascara is not only un-necessary but also makes it hard to keep your eyes open. Remember to not pump the brush in and out of the bottle, this makes the mascara dry up faster also leading to tarantula eyes. Move the brush around the inside of the bottle so less air can get in. This will keep your mascara from drying out too fast.

There’s nothing like the flu to stuff up your head and steal every, if any creative impulse you have. It’s the craziest thing. As of this previous weekend, I’ve managed to have the flu 3 times just this season. It’s like nothing is able to combat this ‘Super Flu’. I’m not kidding, I was unaware that the human head could hold that much phlem, and I have year round allergies!

Having spent the better part of the last 3 years sick as a dog with just about everything, there is a full proof method that I believe most people have forgotten about.

Here is Erin’s ‘Mystery-Solution-To-Getting-Better-Faster’ It’s requires the following…

• Lots of Sleep, Tons of Fluid & Vitamins….. It’s so crazy it just might work…. also if you take alkaseltzer plus, drop it in some orange juice, that helps clear up all the congestion in your chest and head.

I love how we now live in a society where you can’t miss work when you’re not only sick but you’re contagious too. I’d say ‘stay home and get better’, but I’m a realist and I realize that most times it isn’t an option. How sad that even when we’re knocking on death’s door, we still have to keep plugging away at school and work because we really don’t have a choice. I guess we have a choice it’s just that the result from the other side of the decision is less than desirable.

I’m a bank teller and I get sick… a lot! I can pretty much bank on the fact that I’m going to get sick at least one more time before spring officially hits down. At least when it’s warmer, it’s harder to get the flu, thank goodness.

But thanks to the disgustingness of money and/or the fact that people sneeze/cough/ and hack all over you, not to mention the fact that only 1 out of every 3 people actually wash their hands after going to the bathroom… I guess I should be thanking my lucky stars that I haven’t taken a dirt nap yet.