Erin The Great

About 24 days, 12 hours, 15 minutes and roughly 42 seconds ago, I gave up Dr. Pepper for Lent. For those who are wondering the answer is ‘yes’ I am completely addicted to the stuff and I picked the wrong 40 days to give up my comfort and nerve relaxation method.

For those of you who have no idea what lent is, Lent is a catholic/Christian observation for the forty-day liturgical season of fasting and prayer before Easter. (For a link to a more in-depth explanation, just click somewhere on this sentence)

So this year, I decided my huge vice that I would give up this year would be Dr.Pepper. It just also happens to be the nectar of gods if not manna from heaven. Maybe I’m a little bias but it is the best beverage on the planet.

I think the universe looks forward to the time of Lent, because we are much more aware of the stress in our daily lives when we don’t have those ‘security blankets’ of ours any more. I’m beginning to wonder if the universe adds additional stress and weird scenarios just to see how committed we are to staying off of our vices. Due to work and school, I feel like I’m at the end of my rapidly fraying rope while not being able to comfort myself with an ice cold Dr.Pepper… mean whilst the universe is rolling on the floor laughing it’s bum off and probably saluting me with it’s middle finger.

I hope the universe gets his that smug jerk!

I’ve been pondering recently about how guy’s products are not only cheaper but they are better quality. For example, my new (guys) razor; it was cheaper than my last razor, it has one more blade then my previous one and it does a better job! Next on my list is shaving cream… does the exact same job (and even helps with razor burn) with ½ the price. Hmmm, let me think about that brain buster for a while…

I’m paying for a crappier product only because it’s pink and smells like my aunts garden. I can go to the coast and get soap that smells like my hippie brother that’ll still do a better job and is still cheaper. Hey corporate America, way to target the insecurity of the female psyche!

Why are these products not only better, but half the price as woman’s products? After using the razor and shaving cream, I started branching out to other things that might offer the same type of satisfaction if not less from women’s products, but much cheaper. My first experiment was with undershirts. I’m sad to say that to find a decent undershirt for a female; it will usually cost you around $7 ea. That’s per tank top/undershirt. Ok, that’s ridiculous especially since they sometimes make them with a built-in bra so as to forgo any pesky straps… good idea in theory but they make them with a padded-I’m-blinking-cleavage-all-day filler that isn’t as comfortable as you might think. I was blown away that I could find a pack of 12 guy undershirts, for only $10 dollars. That is less than a dollar per undershirt!

I was flabbergasted and was wondering what else lived inside the realm of boys clothing, when I saw them… underwear. Now for the most part, if you want underwear that lasts, you can find ONE pair of underwear for anywhere from $3-6 dollars. This is for the kind that won’t fall apart after a few wears. Utter dismay hit when I found 7 pairs of tighty-whitey-won’t-ride-up-your-butt-all-day, long-lasting-comfort, for how much again? $6!!! WTF?? You’ve got to be kidding me! In the ‘girl world’ I can buy 5 pairs for $25. That’s $25 that I can take and purchase 35 pairs of underwear that don’t have the word ‘juicy’ printed on the bum or itchy lace! 35 pairs of underwear that I can feel cute and good about myself for wearing despite the fact that they are made for guys! If Carrie Bradshaw can do dang-it so can I!

Don’t get me wrong I still like looking and feeling like a girl but to spend money on stuff that A. doesn’t really get seen and B. is sooooooo much cheaper? That’s a ‘No Brainer’ in my book!

I was sitting at work bored off my rocker today. It’s was an unusually slow Friday, so in my boredom I went to the Google homepage to see if there might be something to help my current condition. I was looking at my options as far as images, news, maps etc. when maps caught my eye.

It’s not very often that I look things up on Google maps, but being as homesick as I’ve been, I thought I’d look a few things up. I started with my apartment here in Utah, and gradually grazed over to my home in Oregon. From my house in Oregon I drove using the arrows to friend’s houses and finally found my self at my old high school.

I was looking at the aerial view of Good Old North Salem High School (if you click on the link, it should send you to the roof of the building) when I realized due to my adolescent negligence, I probably know the ‘aerial’ view a lot better then the actual ‘standing in front of the building’ view.

I zoomed (a better look at rooftop) in a little bit closer and got a really good view of the roof that I had spent so much time climbing. When you’re up there at night, there is a spot on the roof that looks like an old time dance floor and with the lights on it, it looks like you’re in an old ballroom. There are windows that cover one side and at night they act as mirrors…. Very cool!

If you go up a level (usually by taking a sturdy sweatshirt to help hoist yourself up) you have two options, you can 1. Climb a little further to the black top roof and go paint the bell tower base or play paintball of the roof. 2. Stay on the white top and go over to the turtle back looking cover, bust the lock using bolt cutters and shimmy/repel down the 40 feet of cable and voila! You’re in the auditorium.

I remember finely tuning my lock picking techniques on the doors of that old school. We’d break in, and as long as you kept to the left, the sensors couldn’t reach you. I should add a disclaimer about any property damage that was done. We were respectful.

There was this one rumor about my school that was built circa 1910 ish. During the wars supposedly our building had a bomb shelter, Rumor has it that a student was playing around and was trapped inside there and ether died or was seriously hurt. Shortly after this incident, they expanded the grounds and added the cafeteria; the cafeteria was supposedly where our ‘bomb shelter’ was located. This is not true, in fact the cafeteria can be used as a fall out shelter but the actual bomb shelter is located near by and after finding the enterance during one of our excursions one night, one of my friends decided to break into it. It was somthing he ‘had to do’ before we graduated.  My friend found papers from the 1940’s and 1950’s. It’s pretty crazy.

So many good memories of that place…mostly after-hour ‘good times’ but what’s a little adventure here and there?

I’ve been conducting an experiment so to speak. When I was thinking about what I wanted to do for my New Years resolutions this year, I looked back on the previous years and realized that I’m pretty good at sticking to them.

For this particular New Years, I was just bored enough (and without a doubt some of my most creative ideas immerge from my boredom) that the insane started making sense. I was thinking to myself about all the girls I know, and how much clothes we all own, and how much of those clothes we actually wear. So I decided that I was going to wear EVERYTHING in my closet before I’d break down and do my laundry. This is quite a feat especially since I have tubs of clothes underneath my bed for the spring/summer seasons. I’m 52 days into the year and I’ve managed to only touch about 1/8th of the clothes in my drawers and closet.

As weird as this may sound I’m still sticking to it even though my laundry pile is about ½ as tall as I am and there seems to be no end. At least I have my own ‘fashion’, but I’m starting to look more and more ‘coastal/hippie’ ie. Myself before I moved to Utah and got sick of everyone wanting to know what beach I’d wandered off of.

As this experiment drags on, in a few more weeks, I’m going to have to start accessorizing with my hemp necklaces again so as to not look to odd. I don’t mind looking like my northwest self again except for the growing population of ‘emo’ and ‘indie’ kids. As much as I want to continue looking like the genre’s that stole their look directly from the Northwest I might not have a choice come mid may or so.

All I know is that my choices in wardrobe are becoming more and more fun to pick out. Mainly because fewer things are matching but mainly because I actually have to think ‘does this lynyrd skynyrd t-shirt go with this skirt?’ It’s ok because most of my band t-shirts are now being paired with skirts because I’m running out of sweats. Out of my experiments, this is turning out to be a really fun one. I just don’t know how i’m going to explain my ‘hug a tree but shave your armpits’ t-shirt….

Through the years, I have either headed up or been in the middle of numerous amounts of prank wars. Prank Wars if done right can be some of the most fun you’ll ever have.

I’ve compiled a relatively small list of ideas as well as a ‘don’t’ section to keep your pranking safe, fun and the ability to remain friends afterward.

To be perfectly honest, the only thing I’m sticking under the DON’TS section is destruction of property. This also goes for hair. As funny as you might think putting Nair in a shampoo/conditioner bottle is…. It’s not. As far as everything else, it’s free game.

I’m going to give you some examples starting from your subtle but no where near mean and ending with the most absolutely horrendous, border lining destruction of property.

SUBTLE/NICE

Replacing diet soda with regular soda (make sure victim isn’t a diabetic), Tying all long sleeve shirts together in a closet, Tying all shoe laces together, short sheeting a bed, putting salt in the sugar jar and sugar in the salt shaker etc. These are just a few examples of the nicer variety. Most of these a boring which is why we always just skip this step and move onto Phase II.

MWUAHAHAHA (some may require explanation)

Stealing property (make sure you have every intention of returning property), TP-ing houses (if you’re going to do it, do it right… 10 + rolls at the minimum), using packaging peanuts or confetti on the lawn of a TP’d house, squishing all the contents of a bag of chips with out breaking the seal - shake crushed chips to the end of the bag and stick it under the door of a room and then jump on the air filled part and listen to chips go everywhere (this can also be used with a bag of confetti), locking someone in the shower (this requires actual shower doors), Vaseline under the handle of a car door, corn flakes under the bottom sheet of a bed - finely crush cornflakes and line the mattress with the cornflakes, apply bottom sheet. Post-it noting a car - take post-it notes and cover the entire car, etc. These are the meaner ones but are a heck of a lot more fun to get someone with.+8

QUESTIONING THE FRIENDSHIP

These are my favorite but can’t be used against just anyone… Shaving cream car – This is when you freeze a can of shaving cream, cut it open and place the block of frozen shaving cream in the back seat of a car. Make sure you do this when it’s night time and at least spring time because the shaving cream needs time to de-thaw and fill the car to capacity with shaving cream. Toilet Paper Pasting – this is when you take a detergent bucket and fill about ¾ full of water. Take a roll of toilet paper and remove the core and dunk the paper in the bucket. Keep adding toilet paper until you have a paste like substance. Take paste like substance and smear on whatever you chose to smear. Powdered Sugar Bed - This is when you carefully spread a thin layer of powdered sugar in a bed or sleeping bag. Because the sugar is so fine, it won’t be sensed immediately upon getting in. Once the sleeper has been sleeping and the body heats up, it heats up the sugar and melts and sticks to the person… always a crowd pleaser.

These are only a few ideas to get you started… May the ‘pranking force’ be with you!

I’ve been going through my day today and I’m unusually ‘pumped up’ so to speak. Usually I wake up to the melodic tunes of Jem or Feist which sets the tone for a pretty mellow laid back day. Today on the other hand, I woke up to Axl Rose welcoming me to the jungle.

Despite this being an awesome way to wake up, I’m wondering if it maybe isn’t the best thing to wake up to. Everything seems so slow and boring today. I’m listening to Frank Sinatra right now and ordinarily I’m jazzed out of my mind to here the amazing crooner, but now after waking up to Guns N’ Roses I’m hoping he gets to his point quick before I go all ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin on someone.

I think I have enough energy to run about 6 miles. I’ve got adrenaline like you wouldn’t believe… all because of a song.

I was sitting on my couch when off in the distance I heard the melodic sound of Rick Astley. For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, Rick Astley was a singer from the 80’s that had the one hit of ‘Never going to give you up’.

Usually when I hear songs from the past, I’m sent into a waterfall of nostalgia. Granted I’m pretty young but I do remember wearing leggings the first time they were in style. I remember wearing my crimped hair tied in a ponytail to the side of my head with my neon pink oversized t-shirt that was tied by a knot over my spandex. As if this image weren’t enough to send someone into hysterics of laughter, I should also note that I was also sporting the LA Gear with the slouch socks. For the times, I was stylin’.

People like to dog on the 1980’s, but to be perfectly honest I think they were great. Some of the best music, movies, TV shows and looks came out of the 80’s. Gems such as Labyrinth, Dark Crystal, Back To The Future, Ferris Beuller’s Day off, Dirty Dancing (nobody puts baby in a corner) Indiana Jones, Gremlins, The Muppet Movie, The Karate Kid (wax on, wax off), Just about any ‘Brat Pack’ movie and of course the last two Star Wars movies… Hello Harrison Ford.

As far as music goes I have 5 words for you…Guns N’ mother frickin Roses! Thus going off on the 80’s ‘Butt Rock’ genre including AC/DC, Warrant, Twisted Sister, White Snake, Poison, and Bon Jovi etc. and of course the ballads of Cheap Trick and Air Supply…or ballads in general.

As far as fashion I believe it was the comfiest look. Who didn’t want to steel Jennifer Beal (Flash Dance), Pat Benatar (Singer), Madonna, Don Johnson (Miami Vice), M.C Hammer and Vanilla Ice’s look?

Last but not least, TV. Who doesn’t love the brilliant writing in Golden Girls, Macgyver, Alf, Perfect Strangers, Night Court, 21 Jump Street and of course Duck Tales.

I know it’s been almost 30 years since this blessed decade started but it’s unfortunate that just about everything that has come out in the last several years EXcluding video games has been a direct rip off of the 80’s. It’s sad but sort of a compliment to the raging genius that became that generation. Seriously, it was impossible making a list because once you get started on all the great things that came out between 1980 and 1989 you just have to go with the first things that come to mind  or else I’d be keeping you here forever.

Just remember your roots because as far as gaming… The Atari started it all!

I’m beginning to wonder about the validity and/or convenience of the phone book. I was trying to get a hold of a car garage to that my car could receive an oil change and therefore be happy that I’m still driving her in the snow without snow tires. That’s beside the point but what I did come to discover was the fact that the ‘car garage’ I’d supposedly called actually ended up being the number for a plumber… just my luck.

After I figured out that the number in the phone book was actually the number I was trying to dial and I wasn’t having a massive ‘blonde moment’ like the plumber man so arrogantly suggested, I thought back to answering the phone at my job.

As I’ve said so many times before I work at a bank. The bank that I work at doesn’t have a receptionist of any kind so I as a teller provide direction and answers to all who may be calling. This usually isn’t a problem until about 30 min into my shift when the normal calls for Costco arrive. Costco you say? That’s right! Last time I checked the bank didn’t have a deli section. Usually it is rather funny when people call up and ask how much our turkey is going for, but we do get the occasional caller who is not only baffled at calling a bank instead of Costco but gets rather irate because somehow it’s my fault the number for both the deli and eyeglasses just happens to be our number.

Up until now I guess you could chock this up to coincidence except that apparently when you look in the phonebook and call our 1-800 number, you now get a dating service. Very interesting!

With Valentine’s Day literally around the corner there is an abnormal amount of hustle and bustle with ideas about what to get your significant other.

Have no fear! There is one Utah establishment that has hit the Darwin ‘Genius Jackpot’ with a fabulous idea! Why give your sweetheart roses and chocolates when you can give them a gift card for….

LAZER HAIR REMOVAL.

Seriously? Are you kidding? Have you ever dated a woman? Why don’t you just yell out ‘Hey Yeti!’

I guess nothing says I love you like ‘hey mammoth women, go get hair removed it’s freaking me out’!

Don’t get me wrong, I hate shaving like the next female but for Valentine’s Day? In theory it’s a good idea only because shaving every day is numero uno on my list of things I dislike doing, but for Valentine’s Day? In case you didn’t get that…for Valentine’s Day?

Of all the bad Valentine’s Day ideas, That one takes the cake!

There are a lot of disgusting things on this planet, but one of the foulest things that you’d never even think of is money.

Think about it, we like it, we have some, we are always wanting more and with every chance we have to get more money, the more the general populace touches it. Whether it is at a bank or a store, bills go in and out of cash registers without any regards to its previous owners.

I work at a bank and it’s funny to see how people react to money. Some refuse to carry cash on them because money is so gross. Others take it with glee and without any thought to where it could have been not one hour previous. Some will be dealing with cash and be eating at the exact same time. That in and of itself is probably one of the most vile things to watch. It’s like that old saying that goes something like ‘don’t touch that, you don’t know where it’s been’.

Think about every person that could possibly touch money. Think about when you have accidentally drop your cash on the street. Think about how many of those dollars have been stuffed inside a stripper thong or rolled up and used to snort half of South America. How about people with colds who cough, sneeze and hack into their hands then reach into their pockets to bring out their cash stash?

I never used to be germ-a-phobic until I started for the bank. I obviously would wash my hands after dealing with cash, mostly because after dealing with it for a few hours, it has the tendency to turn your fingers black, but one month at the bank and I was slathering on the anti-bacterial sanitizer stuff like it was going out of style. This was very important since where I was working, was placed dead center in a place called ‘felony flats’, where the dirty of the dirty were located. Nothing like the dirty hippies/felons/miscreants/etc. coming in and depositing their money and not giving a flying fart in space that I was receiving a contact high from merely counting it!

I’m merely issuing a warning to the general public. Be careful about money. Don’t keep licking your fingers while counting it. Don’t eat right after dealing with it. Be safe. Be clean, and if the above didn’t give you enough of a visual… There was this very unwashed individual who I was helping about two years ago. After the transaction was complete, he took the money wrapped it together with rubber bands and shoved it down the front of his pants… scary enough for you?