Erin The Great

There are many things on this planet that I don’t understand. Like how Red Sox fans hate Yankee fans because they’re the highest paid baseball team when they themselves are the second highest paid in MLB. Or why Carrot Top still has a semblance of a career, or how that kid from ‘Differn’t Strokes’ never understood what “Willis was talking ’bout”.

Among the things that basically mystify me about this universe is one dominating factor. If Charles Darwin was right about ‘Natural Selection’ or ‘Survival of the Fittest’, how is it that stupid people have not only survived through the ages but seem to be vastly dominating the planet!

Everywhere you look there seems to be people that should have been killed off almost instantaneously at birth or shortly thereafter. Is the ‘stupid person’ gene genetic or just a highly developed gene mutation that was thrust upon some poor unwitting soul? Either way it boggles the mind as to how they still exist. Life is hard enough without having to deal with people that make you want to constantly pull your hair out.

I have a bumper sticker that says ‘don’t drink and park, accidents cause people’ and it couldn’t be closer to the truth. It makes me wonder how something like common sense not only completely bypassed these people, but also didn’t even get close enough to slightly slap ANY kind of sense into them. Is it the effect of education? Or lack thereof? If that were true then how would you explain Albert Einstein flunking math and not going to college; Thomas Edison and Benjamin Franklin, who were basically high school dropouts…answer me that one?

There are stupid people everywhere who have been to college but still give concern as to their development as a knuckle dragger. Not only that but they hit you with absolutely no warning. You are defenseless against their powers, especially if they swarm ‘en mass’. It’s almost like the movies ‘Invasion of the Body Snatchers’ or ‘The Faculty’.

I hope one day in the not-so-distant future, there will be a cure for those who suffer the syndrome of the stupid and this place will once again be inhabitable with out worrying about being at the bottom of the ‘intelligent life out there’ totem pole.

We’ve all seen them. They lurk in corners or over hear you in the bathroom stall and they are annoyingly everywhere you are. That’s right… I’m talking about the co-workers from hell!

There is nothing more annoying then a co-worker who blatantly has in for you without any real cause except for the fact that you’re just plain better at your job. These people will do anything to point out what you’re doing wrong or how you’ve offended them in some way even though you’ve never really ever talked to them.

I’ve never been good at brown nosing, so when these people come after me the only rapport I have with my bosses is the fact that I’m honest and a very good worker. Unfortunately to my discredit I have one ridiculously sarcastic mouth. Apparently sarcasm offends people. Whatever… deal with it! Needless to say I feel trapped when confronted with ‘said’ loathsome person and therefore as the ‘fight or flight’ responses would have it, I end up attacking.

I have to say that being so very unhappy to the point that you feel the need to ruin other people is almost like a full time job in and off itself. I give them props on their work ethic, of course if they had actual work ethic they wouldn’t have to find ways to get rid of you and therefore bumping up their sociopathic standing in the world.

I’ve worked with the best of this particular breed of human, but there is only one that comes to mind when I think of what not to do. Making people miserable and constantly getting them into trouble is seedy and underhanded and if you’re going to get away with it, you have to be a pro. I’ll give example as to how this is accomplished having had many pull this crap on me.

What to do…

To these fine individuals I wish you luck in life because nothing will ever satisfy you as long as you’re trying to get rid of everyone who just might be better than you. Get a hobby, a haircut and while your at it some fashion sense.

  The Holiday Shopper. There are many kinds of holiday shoppers but the only ones who survive the mass display of chaos are the ‘crusty holiday shoppers’.

The crusty holiday shopper is the one who elbows you in the ribs when you go after the last ‘Harry Potter’ calendar, or the one who all but has a rifle strapped to thier belt if you try to get the last ipod of the shelf. These people go under my ’super special’ list. People like this are unbelievably nice under normal circumstances but turn into absolute beasts when put in a shopping situation as well as put in the presence of actual human beings. Grab your torch and pitch forks! These people need to go down!

Everyone gets into bad moods when shopping for endless hours on end but here’s a little advice, I don’t care how good the sales are, if you know going shopping is going to turn you into Mr. Hyde, then for the love of pete stay the freak home! Do a little online shopping if your very exsistance in ‘retail land’ makes others want to put a gun to thier head. Be a nice human being. Be the kind of person that makes the sound of the holidays not have people develop a twitch. I know it’s a stretch but try to be a decent human being. Be considerate, responsible and nice. This will makes others not want to follow you to your car and slash your tires.

Welcome to the insane rantings of my life’s experience. For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Erin and I’m from the lush green metropolis that is Oregon.

I’m very proud to say that I’m from a place where the air is clean and the water is clear. Where you can go swimming in a lake and not wonder if you’ll come out with an extra eye or limb. A place where the 60’s hippie movement never died and people still fight to save things that won’t really matter in about 10 years or so. I guess as long as you’re fighting for something, it makes it all worthwhile.

In my 25 years on this planet I’ve seen a lot of things. I was alive when computer screens where still green and white and the game ‘The Oregon Trail’ had the coolest graphics. Where the Atari ruled the world and sporting the mullet/rat tail combo was the height of sophistication, with it’s clean business like front and a full on party in the back.

I remember watching Vanilla Ice getting down and funky with the ninja turtles and thinking ‘wow, that guy has got some moves’ while I joyfully tried imitating him in my tank top and wannabe ‘hammer pants’.

Life was more simple back then. I remember turning my brother’s bunk bed into a time machine and capturing dinosaurs while using his ‘pop-iods’ as dinosaur capturing glasses. My brother and I could create darn near anything with just the earth a few materials at our disposal. I remember making mansion-sized forts in the living room/kitchen/dining room/stairs/ any other room we could get our hands on. Yes, life was good back then.

Today you could say that life is less easy and I dare say more difficult. Making a living working as a bank teller while putting myself through school has been both frustrating and beneficial. Soon I will reap the benefits as I work my way toward Medical School one class at a time.

I have many aspirations and dreams but the one that I won’t falter on is becoming an Oncologist, finding a cure for cancer, and ruling the world in my 6-inch heels and perfect French manicure.